Written by: Laura Fajín-Riveiro (Assistant Director of Life Design, AAP) and Dr. Stacey Mitchell (Assistant Director of Life Design, Students with International Perspectives)
INTRODUCTION
Communications and Media Industry Week wrapped up last Friday, yet we at the Life Design Lab continue to reflect on the importance of good communication both in our careers and in our lives. Human beings have always been curious about communication: Aristotle perceived communication as a directional process where rhetoric passes from speaker to audience, most effectively when the former genuinely understands the latter; Gloria Anzaldúa argued that a key element of communication – language – necessarily and naturally intertwines with our individual and collective identities; Jaques Derrida likened communication to glass – never fully transparent and always unstable. Philosophical rumination’s aside, the reality is that we all communicate with others and with our surroundings on a daily basis and thus should reflect, critically and deeply, not only on our means of communication (speech, gesture, behavior, etc.) but also on the intention and strategies we implement to be empathetic and effective communicators.
“Words are sacred. They deserve respect. If you get the right ones, in the right order, you can nudge the world a little” – this quote, by British playwright and screenwriter Tom Stoppard, speaks volumes about the power encoded in those building blocks of language – words – which we are all responsible for wielding responsibly and thoughtfully. At the Life Design Lab, we spend a lot of time and energy helping our students craft their stories and, from choosing the best “power verbs” to use on a resume to strategically fielding behavioral interview questions, that takes compelling self-expression and active listening. As empathetic communicators, students will thrive in interviews, while networking, and as they emerge as thought leaders in their fields of study. For that reason, we have compiled a list of recommendations for verbal and written communication below in which empathy and compassion are the central focus.
In many professional contexts like networking, interviews, and cold emailing among others, empathy is key. Understanding how to implement empathy can transform simple conversations into meaningful connections and ultimately, open doors to opportunities. Whether it’s verbal or written communication, leading with empathy makes a difference.
VERBAL COMMUNICATION
Career Fairs: In contexts like career fairs or conferences, students often adopt a “mission-driven” attitude, where the goal is to tell the person of interest who they are and give them their information to hopefully get their foot in the door. Sometimes this approach comes off as forced and may not always go as planned. To gain more from these often very short verbal communication exchanges, prioritize empathy by following these steps:
- Research the company: This approach gives a better understanding of who you’re talking to. Do the company’s values align with yours? Can you imagine thriving in this culture? Is the company’s mission something you want to support? How can you make an impact?
- Create talking points for your future conversations, but do not memorize a speech: Consider the environment where you will have the exchange, and think: What do you want to make sure you say? Who are you as an individual and what is your why? How do you envision yourself advancing the company’s mission? In what ways can you help drive their social impact initiatives?
- Practice your conversational skills with someone you know and feel comfortable with:
Be mindful and aware of how you are talking. Are you practicing active listening? What verbal and non-verbal cues are you giving that indicate you are listening actively? Are you able to keep eye contact? What is your body language saying?
These steps will help you feel more relaxed when engaging in conversation with a potential employer. Knowing yourself and the company well will make you more confident, curious, and empathetic. The other person will notice this, and both of you will leave the conversation with a better impression. And who knows? You may get something tangible from the exchange, like a foot in the door.
Job Interview Communication: Similarly to how you can prepare for a conversation with a recruiter at a career fair or someone of interest at a conference, knowing yourself – your values and your why – as well as feeling comfortable communicating in the language in which an interview is conducted, understanding the importance of active listening, giving genuine answers, and presenting the best version of yourself will always increase your chances at making a positive impression.
Interview conversations tend to be longer, more planned, and formally structured. For this reason, there is more opportunity to prepare and practice. Just like many other activities, getting better at interviewing is possible and will happen with time and practice. However, improvement will not occur if empathy is left out of the equation.
Before the interview, interviewees should learn and practice conversational techniques for the language the interview will be conducted in. For example, saying, “That’s a great question” is a strategy commonly used by English speakers to acknowledge a question and buy time to think of an answer. For a non-native speaker, it can sound forced if it’s not part of your communication strategy yet. The best approach to improving conversational skills is to pay attention to what is being said and how it is said, continue studying spoken English, and practice, practice, practice.
Since many job interviews are now conducted online, it is beneficial to practice techniques that show empathy towards the interviewer on camera. Here are some tips:
- Join the meeting on time
- Ensure a stable internet connection
- Turn your camera on
- Dress appropriately
- Speak not only with your words, but also with your eyes and hands
- Avoid a distracting background (e.g., people, pets, or virtual backgrounds)
- Be yourself—there’s no need to create a persona to interview well
- Do not interrupt the interviewer
- Practice active listening
- Project your voice clearly
WRITTEN COMMUNICATION
Cold emails: Writing a cold email to a stranger can be daunting. Many are forgotten, while others are ignored entirely. However, adding a layer of empathy can significantly increase the chances of a positive response. Here’s how:
- Find a Common Connection: As with verbal communication, researching the company or the recipient’s work will increase your chances of getting a positive reply. In Life Design, we stress the importance to students of finding a connection with the recipient. For example, did you graduate from the same university? Do you share a passion for the same industry? Mentioning these connections builds rapport and makes the email feel more personal.
- Keep it concise: People are busy and receive many emails, so you are doing them a favor by keeping your message short. After establishing a connection, ask one to two clear and reasonable questions. Don’t forget to ask someone to review the email before sending it.
- Request a conversation, not a Favor: To initiate a curiosity conversation, ask for a 15–20-minute meeting in person or online in the next two weeks. Avoid phrases like “in the near future” as it is vague and often leads to being forgotten. Conclude your email by thanking them for their time and expressing that you look forward to hearing back.
Asking for Opportunities: Asking for connections, mentorship, or referrals from strangers requires both patience and strategy, and building a relationship through empathetic communication first is critical. While you may be eager to reach your goal, it’s important not to jump to a request too soon. Begin by expressing genuine interest in the person’s work, then gradually develop the relationship before asking for more. The best networking outcome is a reciprocally beneficial relationship.
EMPATHY IS EVERYTHING
As Life Design Educators who encourage students to address life’s problems from a design thinking mindset, we always begin with empathy. To best support our students in career readiness and professional development – by outlining, for instance, communication tips like the ones above – we must first endeavor to understand their positions, hear their needs, and center their voices.
Similarly, empathy is the cornerstone of effective communication. One dimension of empathy on which we have not yet touched here, and that is extremely valuable to hone for any professional in the workplace, is that empathy is not only a mindset or set of practices, but also an invaluable tool for managing conflict and navigating disagreement. A few years ago, I (Stacey) read “This Book Will Make You Kinder: An Empathy Handbook” (2020), in which author Henry James Garrett offers a philosophical (yet accessible) reflection on the nature of kindness and strategies for combatting empathy-limiting beliefs. This analogy still resonates:
“Imagine a group of friends playing a board game. One of them rolls the dice, gets a six, and goes to move their piece, but an argument breaks out over where it should now be. One person thinks it should move six places forward; another that it should move twenty places back. Like all the board games of my youth, this imaginary one descends into angry name-calling. But no one asks, ‘What board game are we even playing?’ Had they done so, the group would have quickly realized that while one person thought they were playing Monopoly, another thought they were playing Chutes and Ladders.” (20-21)
Disagreement is a reality of work and a fact of life, a fact even more obvious now as election season is upon us. Empathy is a tool that can help us navigate conflict productively and move measuredly forward (and together) toward resolution or compromise. Making an effort to ask questions, to hear other perspectives, and find the true source of disagreement or (re-)establish a common ground upon which to recalibrate a conversation is empathetic communication in practice; it’s not easy, it takes work, but it’s worth it. When approached with an empathetic mindset, dissenting positions or opinions can even generate growth and innovation – we see this all the time at the Life Design Lab where we are a large team of experts from widely different professional and personal backgrounds. So, as we move through life, go into work tomorrow, or prepare for our next interview, whatever we do, let us be empathetic and thoughtful communicators.
CONCLUSION
In the end, we’re all just trying to put the right words in the right order. Sometimes we get it right, and sometimes we fail. That’s just the way of life. What matters is how we learn from, address, and grow from that failure, understanding that genuine, effective communication takes hard work – hard work that is worth it. In conclusion, empathy is the cornerstone of effective communication, as demonstrated throughout various contexts like networking, interviews, and written exchanges. By leading with empathy, students can transform everyday conversations into meaningful connections that open doors to opportunities and career growth. Whether practicing active listening at a career fair or crafting a cold email with thoughtful intent, empathy enhances the impact of communication and ensures mutual understanding. Furthermore, empathy plays a critical role in managing conflicts and navigating disagreements, allowing us to recalibrate conversations and find common ground. As we reflect on our communication strategies, whether verbal or written, we must remember that empathy is not just an approach but an essential tool for fostering connection, collaboration, and personal growth.
Bibliography
Anzaldúa, Gloria E. (1987), Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza, San Francisco: Aunt Lute Books.
Derrida, Jacques. (1981), “Plato’s Pharmacy.” In Barbara Johnson (ed.), Dissemination. University of Chicago Press. pp. 61-171.
Garrett, Henry James. (2021), This Book Will Make You Kinder: An Empathy Handbook, Souvenir Press Limited, 2021
Panovski, Antonio. (2023), “Aristotle’s Model of Communication: 3 Key Elements of Persuasion,” The Collector: https://www.thecollector.com/aristotle-model-communication/ Dr. Stacey Mitchell (Assistant Director of Life Design, Students with International Perspectives
