Have you taken the time to define what success truly means to you? What does being successful look like in your life?
Establishing your own standards for success is crucial to building a life that reflects your unique values and aspirations—one that isn’t shaped by societal expectations or someone else’s definition of achievement.
But how can we identify and evaluate the external measures of success that influence us?
And how can we stay focused on pursuing the goals that align with our true desires?
Decision-Making: We Can’t Avoid It!
The freedom to make choices, or our autonomy, can often make decision-making more complicated. Many people struggle with how to approach decisions, and in response, they may either avoid making them or make impulsive choices. While these decision-making habits vary from person to person, they all stem from the same underlying fear and pressure to make the “right” choice. To avoid feeling stuck, our brains often try to escape the decision-making process altogether or rush through it.
Becoming aware of our own tendencies is the first step in breaking these patterns. By recognizing when we’re slipping back into old habits, we can pause and give ourselves permission to “get curious” and gain perspective. Asking the right questions, like defining what success truly means to us, can help us better understand what we need. Above all, it’s important to start with a clear understanding of your “why.”
Internal and External Measures of Success
People measure success in different ways, but all definitions of success generally fall into two categories: external factors (such as money, recognition, or promotions) and internal factors (like happiness, fulfillment, or satisfaction). Research shows that external factors alone don’t necessarily lead to greater engagement or contentment unless we are aligned with our values and know how to balance these external rewards with our internal needs.
For example, why would writing a book make me feel successful and more engaged? If I’m only doing it because I believe it will feel rewarding once completed, is it really what I want?
That’s why it’s essential to be specific about our internal measures of success. What emotions do I want to feel every day? Am I experiencing the emotions I desire from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep, or is something missing? When you think of your “best day,” what specific emotions make it great (calm, joy, passion, etc.), and what activities contribute to those feelings? How can you continue to create those positive experiences in your life?
Self-Compassion: An Essential Tool
Your sense of internal satisfaction is deeply shaped by the narrative you create around your decisions and the reasons behind them. A common barrier to fulfillment is self-sabotage, where we criticize ourselves when things don’t go as planned (e.g., taking the “wrong job” or choosing the “wrong major”). If we don’t support ourselves and instead think, “That was a mistake, I shouldn’t have done that, I’m a failure,” it becomes even harder to move forward.
On the other hand, if we view these experiences as part of a larger journey toward personal growth, we can see them as opportunities to learn. Even when things don’t turn out as expected, nothing is truly lost—it’s all part of the process of discovering what suits us best.
Success is Multidimensional
One of the most important things to remember is that success isn’t just in one sphere of life! At the end of your life, you will not look back and think about your resume of professional accomplishments – even though these are a part of your story. Instead, your professional accomplishments will be accompanied by many other measures of success, which are also entirely up to you!
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What do you aspire to? Fill in the 8 quadrants of the circle below.
